Nineties kids lived like savages...

At least before the new Millennium, anyway.

Despite my best efforts, technology has become heavily integrated into my life. I take so much for granted these days, and the sad thing is that I'm not even the worst offender I know. I have thus far resisted and forbid myself to have internet on my phone-- there are just some things I can live without and refuse to pay the price of a first born child for, and this is one of them. Plus, I don't want to turn into one of those people. Ya'know who I mean... cough, cough, Darryl, cough. I'm already almost as bad as one of those people. I swear, half my conversations these days start off with, "I saw this thing on Pinterest..."


This weekend the DVR crapped out thanks to a busted fan, and while when I am bored I watch TV live, I have almost forgotten a time when I couldn't save a show for later. Last night, I had to leave myself notes to go watch Mad Men in the bedroom at nine, or else I was going to miss it.

I felt like a fucking savage. I was so tied down. How did we function when our lives revolved around a television schedule? I vaguely remember as a kid having to rush home to catch air times, or leave note reminders, or for fuck sake, use a VCR to record something I had to miss! Do even remember those antiquated things? We have it so good now! Going to bed was damn near impossible. Why did they have to play a bunch of American Gypsy wedding shows I could not record to mock later and as a result feel immensely better about my choices and integrity as a human being?! A fifteen year old was marrying a 28 year old! AWWW, MAN. They were having a trashy gypsy ball in Memphis, DAMN IT! Someone brought a gun!? SON OF A BITCH, I QUIT. Fine, I'm up, I'm watching... Fuck work I guess, because I have to watch a sixteen year old high school drop out, dressed as a prostitute, fight her mother in law.


Everytime I lose the function of a piece of technology I have become unconsciously dependent upon, I feel like an invalid. I notice it worst when I lose the internet. Google has ruined me. Having instant, accessible knowledge at my fingertips is sickly addicting. One time I lost the internet, and I start to start a list of things I thought of in the course of the day I needed to search on Google later. In course of just a few hours, by the time the internet returned, I had written down fourteen things. Seriously? Wow. That means that if we had internet, I would have walked over to my computer and Googled (yes, it's verb now) fourteen different things in a couple hours, and thought absolutely nothing of it. I even caught myself starting towards the laptop, even though I knew it was out-- like hitting that damn light switch out of habit when the power is out! But, this was not even counting the questions that might have been spawned by the result of my searches, causing other searches to be put forth.

Which leads me back to what I have decided on behalf of the world is man's greatest contribution to civilization-- Pinterest! This, even more than Google makes me realize the half life I was living before its inception.

My average day lost on Pinterest goes a little something like this...

(After trolling the Geek pages, because honestly, it's where I spend most of my time these days. I also don't know what I did before the invention of the meme, most specifically, the Fandom Meme)

Hmm, let's look at Food & Drink... 

...scroll, scroll, that looks good, click, pin, scroll, oooh yum, click, pin, scroll...

GREATEST LEMON COOKIE RECIPE EVVVAAAAAARRR!

What! Greatest EVVVVAAAAARRR? Really? I didn't even know I wanted that! Now, I cannot live without this vital information! Shit! CLICK CLICK CLICK...

And, before you know it, you're in a downward spiral headed straight for an ensuing Pinstrosity.

It gets you thinking though-- how did we live before technology got this important? I think my generation might actually be the last one who had to write a research paper using books, or owned a CD. Now that us Nineties kids are out in the world as adults, making contributions as part of the work force, the older generations give us a lot of shit. But, if they think we're bad, then they honestly don't have a fucking clue about the whiny, useless shitstorm that will follow us. Have fun with, the iGeneration, you poor, unsuspecting fucks. You'll be missing us by 2020, and I will laugh the glorious laugh of the told you so. The kind that goes Wah hah hah, good, good...