This quote is perhaps the most brilliant and hilarious thing I have ever said.
Let me supply some context...
Exactly, what my sister posted as her status:
"It feels amazing outside. I love fall,hoodys and bonfires. Cuddling and hayrack rides. the smell of burning leaves and all pretty colors. this is definately my favorite season every year, so thankful its here."
How I responded:
Post one:
"Because I have too-- a) hoodies**. If you don't believe me, google it. =) b) Something about "my favorite season every year" just sounds strange, as if despite the fact it is clearly contains all the factors that you deem to be the best and use to dictate your favorite, the statement implies that perhaps you are always surprised that it is your favorite. Or, that an unknown instigating factor may perhaps sway your favoritism one year. It's kind of like saying, "Green is my favorite color every rainbow." See, something just sounds odd about it. lol. But, yeah, I am also happy Autumn is finally here.
Post two:
"Also, because I missed it the first time, c) definitely**"
Post three:
"And, neglect the extraneous "is" before "clearly". I was typing faster than my brain."
I am not sure why her post bugged me the way it did. Perhaps it is because I just finished what could possibly be the most cleverly and masterfully constructed argument to a question ever posed to me (by my online social studies methods teacher). Perhaps it is because of the aforementioned statement that I am to conclude I am at my most brilliant after the Witching hour and before sunrise. So, fresh off the high of my own brilliance, I stumbled upon her post while glancing at Facebook, and had to respond.
Now, I cannot stop fucking laughing at "Green is my favorite color every rainbow".
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Reasons I could potentially be an awful teacher...
I go on a lot about teaching. Lately it has been more present in conversations because I am fast approaching the end of my prison sentence known as college. I'm taking content exams and going into classrooms. Shit is getting real now. I'm going to be student teaching next spring-- provided that tomorrow when I turn in my unbelievably ridiculous application for student teaching, everything doesn't go Titanic on me, which is something totally possibly through the incompetency of the TEP department... And, yes, you didn't read that wrong, I just I used the word "Titanic" as a euphemism for a disaster. Really, you could use any disaster...
Man-made-
"How was your date with Jessica last night?"
"Oh my god, it went totally Hindenburg after the second course."
Economic-
"How was Thanksgiving at your parents?"
"It turned Black Tuesday after mom opened the wine."
Natural-
"How did your speech go?"
"It was an epic Katrina."
Terrorism-
"How was that new Twilight saga movie?"
"It was like watching September 11th all over again."
Ssssss.... too soon? I guess ten years isn't enough.
I digress, as I so often have too, next semester, in less than six months, I'm going to be standing in front of high school students as a beacon of knowledge. The ones that aren't sleeping or playing on cell phones are going to be looking at me as a source of knowledge, and potentially forming opinions on my lessons that they hold for the rest of their lives. That's fucking intimidating. Especially when I think of situations I have been in during history classes where I have made a statement, and the other person on the end of the conversation says, "Where did you hear that?", and I respond, "I learned that in my high school American History class", and they just laugh. I don't won't the be the idiot teacher who got it wrong, and gets laughed at by some stupid history major. But, at least I can take some comfort in the fact that most of those kids who argued my opinions also failed multiple times to pass the content exam, where I didn't. That's the problem with going into history because you like bombs and WWII-- you tend to not go out of your way to learn much else, and end up being one of those terrible history teachers. The cycle continues...
But, what if I end up being one of those terrible teachers? Or worse, what if I end up being John Keating? (For those of you who just lost me, that's Robin Williams character from Dead Poet's Society)? What if I am a great fucking teacher, but I am too radical, and the administration and parents come after me like ravenous wolves? That's also intimidating. Would I diminish my passion just to keep my job? That's a sobering thought. But, it get's me thinking about other things.
Reasons I could potentially be a horrible teacher--
1. I say fuck a lot.
It's really not a secret about just how dirty of a mouth I have. I like to think I am an eloquent curser, but most of polite society would use the argument that a truly educated person does not have to resort to cursing to get their point across. To which, I politely respond, fuck off, you pretentious dick. Classy? Not exactly. But, what's the point in being classy when you are trying to insult someone? Anyway, once I was old enough to realize I could get away with it, I got pretty used to cursing, and now I find myself in situations where "fucks" can just slip out of my mouth without my permission. Like for instance, the time I was talking to one of my softball team mom's and I had to cleverly backtrack, and pretend I simply mispronounced a word. I'm too the point where I wonder how many words just slip out without my knowledge? That's a scary thought, isn't it?
"Alright class, today we're going to talk about a bad ass mother fucker named Winston Churchill. He served as the fucking Prime Minister of Great Britain during World War fucking II and helped lead to an allied victory, but perhaps he is best known for his reply to some bitch who insulted him for his drinking problem, "Madam, I may be drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober, but you will still be ugly." Fuck yeah.
Ironically, using this kind of language to teach about Winston Churchill doesn't seem like such an inappropriate example.
2. From the perspective of a teacher, by the unfortunate and terrible standards to which I am held as a history teacher, I am kind of a shitty history teacher.
I know the big things. 1776- Dec. of Independence is signed. 1787- Constitution is ratified. 1914- WWI breaks out in Europe, but other than the big stuff-- wars, assassinations, and other disasters (such as the examples I have identified at the beginning of this post), I have not taken the time to learn dates. Sorry about that, I guess I was too busy actually learning about the importance of the events rather than when they happened. That's why I have the textbook, right? I won't use it other than to make sure I'm not wrong... Napoleon lost at Waterloo in 1815, alright, good to know, but as for the rest of your dry prose, lack of useful or interesting information, and crappy propaganda, I reject your available information textbook. That's all a text book is good for anyway-- what, when, where, and who. The why is always thrown out to the wayside. Students don't need to thik about history, they just need to know it! How else could we test them!? Isn't that the only reason students go to school-- to take tests and get god grades? I mean, that's what we do in the real world right?
This leads me to reason 3.
3. I am sarcastic as I am immature. ... so, a lot in both circumstances.
The smart kids will get it. But, for the other 95% of the class, I'm going to lose them. I find things ironic and hilarious that other people, lame people, don't find hilarious, or even remotely interesting. I also lack tact, because when does someone in my position need that? I mean, six days shy of the tenth anniversary of a national tragedy, I have no problem making a joke. Maybe it's one of the unfortunate side effects of being a social studies major in that I have become so accustomed to analyzing every movement the human race makes to remember it was a horribly, unnecessary tragedy where thousands lost their lives. Or, maybe it is because that things like Sept. 11th still happen that I have become detached from a race of beings I am ashamed to be a part of and I'm just speaking through cynicism. The problem is I'm going to have to constantly to aware of the fact that just because I find something amusing, doesn't mean anyone else will. Plus, I have to remember, when student says or does something "inappropriate", it is wrong to laugh my ass off, no matter how fucking funny it is. Gotta be the adult now...
Perhaps, I should rethink this whole teaching thing...
Man-made-
"How was your date with Jessica last night?"
"Oh my god, it went totally Hindenburg after the second course."
Economic-
"How was Thanksgiving at your parents?"
"It turned Black Tuesday after mom opened the wine."
Natural-
"How did your speech go?"
"It was an epic Katrina."
Terrorism-
"How was that new Twilight saga movie?"
"It was like watching September 11th all over again."
Ssssss.... too soon? I guess ten years isn't enough.
I digress, as I so often have too, next semester, in less than six months, I'm going to be standing in front of high school students as a beacon of knowledge. The ones that aren't sleeping or playing on cell phones are going to be looking at me as a source of knowledge, and potentially forming opinions on my lessons that they hold for the rest of their lives. That's fucking intimidating. Especially when I think of situations I have been in during history classes where I have made a statement, and the other person on the end of the conversation says, "Where did you hear that?", and I respond, "I learned that in my high school American History class", and they just laugh. I don't won't the be the idiot teacher who got it wrong, and gets laughed at by some stupid history major. But, at least I can take some comfort in the fact that most of those kids who argued my opinions also failed multiple times to pass the content exam, where I didn't. That's the problem with going into history because you like bombs and WWII-- you tend to not go out of your way to learn much else, and end up being one of those terrible history teachers. The cycle continues...
But, what if I end up being one of those terrible teachers? Or worse, what if I end up being John Keating? (For those of you who just lost me, that's Robin Williams character from Dead Poet's Society)? What if I am a great fucking teacher, but I am too radical, and the administration and parents come after me like ravenous wolves? That's also intimidating. Would I diminish my passion just to keep my job? That's a sobering thought. But, it get's me thinking about other things.
Reasons I could potentially be a horrible teacher--
1. I say fuck a lot.
It's really not a secret about just how dirty of a mouth I have. I like to think I am an eloquent curser, but most of polite society would use the argument that a truly educated person does not have to resort to cursing to get their point across. To which, I politely respond, fuck off, you pretentious dick. Classy? Not exactly. But, what's the point in being classy when you are trying to insult someone? Anyway, once I was old enough to realize I could get away with it, I got pretty used to cursing, and now I find myself in situations where "fucks" can just slip out of my mouth without my permission. Like for instance, the time I was talking to one of my softball team mom's and I had to cleverly backtrack, and pretend I simply mispronounced a word. I'm too the point where I wonder how many words just slip out without my knowledge? That's a scary thought, isn't it?
"Alright class, today we're going to talk about a bad ass mother fucker named Winston Churchill. He served as the fucking Prime Minister of Great Britain during World War fucking II and helped lead to an allied victory, but perhaps he is best known for his reply to some bitch who insulted him for his drinking problem, "Madam, I may be drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober, but you will still be ugly." Fuck yeah.
Ironically, using this kind of language to teach about Winston Churchill doesn't seem like such an inappropriate example.
2. From the perspective of a teacher, by the unfortunate and terrible standards to which I am held as a history teacher, I am kind of a shitty history teacher.
I know the big things. 1776- Dec. of Independence is signed. 1787- Constitution is ratified. 1914- WWI breaks out in Europe, but other than the big stuff-- wars, assassinations, and other disasters (such as the examples I have identified at the beginning of this post), I have not taken the time to learn dates. Sorry about that, I guess I was too busy actually learning about the importance of the events rather than when they happened. That's why I have the textbook, right? I won't use it other than to make sure I'm not wrong... Napoleon lost at Waterloo in 1815, alright, good to know, but as for the rest of your dry prose, lack of useful or interesting information, and crappy propaganda, I reject your available information textbook. That's all a text book is good for anyway-- what, when, where, and who. The why is always thrown out to the wayside. Students don't need to thik about history, they just need to know it! How else could we test them!? Isn't that the only reason students go to school-- to take tests and get god grades? I mean, that's what we do in the real world right?
This leads me to reason 3.
3. I am sarcastic as I am immature. ... so, a lot in both circumstances.
The smart kids will get it. But, for the other 95% of the class, I'm going to lose them. I find things ironic and hilarious that other people, lame people, don't find hilarious, or even remotely interesting. I also lack tact, because when does someone in my position need that? I mean, six days shy of the tenth anniversary of a national tragedy, I have no problem making a joke. Maybe it's one of the unfortunate side effects of being a social studies major in that I have become so accustomed to analyzing every movement the human race makes to remember it was a horribly, unnecessary tragedy where thousands lost their lives. Or, maybe it is because that things like Sept. 11th still happen that I have become detached from a race of beings I am ashamed to be a part of and I'm just speaking through cynicism. The problem is I'm going to have to constantly to aware of the fact that just because I find something amusing, doesn't mean anyone else will. Plus, I have to remember, when student says or does something "inappropriate", it is wrong to laugh my ass off, no matter how fucking funny it is. Gotta be the adult now...
Perhaps, I should rethink this whole teaching thing...
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