For any of you who live in the area, you know that 15th street here in Springfield isn't the classiest of places. It is what one would consider the ghetto. There are boarded up houses and couches on front porches. There are always people outside hanging out on the street in big groups like they are waiting for a bus. Now, I know that insulting this neighborhood is racist-- the people here did not have the advantages I have had, and that does not make me better than them. But, that also does not give them the right to assume that I am a uptight white girl.
I have been doing my observation for a week at the Capital College Preparatory Academy that shares the building with Feitshans Elementary. Thus far in the five minutes, twice a day it takes to walk from my car to the building and back again from the building to my car, I have already been catcalled and had a big black car with giant chrome rims slow down as I crossed at a crosswalk to watch my ass, during which the driver shouted. "Wooooo. Hey girl."
I am not the kind of girl used to having to deal with this kind of disrespect because I don't hang out where this kind of stuff happens. Sure, have I been out at a bar, and had to deliver the bad news to some drunk douchebaggy tool that his mechanics of flirting need a tune up and that his "charms" are not working on me? Yes. Which is why I don't usually go out to bars. I don't like being in situations where guys try to pick me up, especially since I have been in a relationship for seven years and have been married one. The guys that always hit on me in bars work there angle so strong I feel like I'm in a high-pressure sales pitch for a crappy used car or a money-pit time share. Dude, get the picture, if I was single, I'm not the type of girl who would pick up a guy at a bar, let a lone date or be looking for a relationship with. IF I had to be single now, I would probably shoot myself just to save me the trouble of dating.
I digress-- so, after having to deal with being treated like a walking vagina for the last week, I'm getting a little gun-shy about interacting with the guys from the neighborhood. Which is why when I came out of the door, and saw a group of three guys walking down the sidewalk the direction I was headed, I hesitated at on the steps. I wasn't being racist- I swear. It was not because they were black. I am on their fucking side. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. I want to teach at a school with diversity so I can reach out to minority kids and encourage those who don't have the opportunities every child should! But, the community track record with me had not been positive. I had a bag full of heavy books that was kind of awkward to lug around and I had just gotten a text message as I came out the door. The last thing I wanted to do attempt to be sarcastic and clever to outsmart them as they tried to hit on me as I tried to balance a tote bag full of textbooks and text. So, I put my bag down and answered the text message as I waited for them to pass. That is when I heard...
"Hey-ay!"
I didn't even look up, hoping to give them the impression I was not interested, and replied "Hello." It was the polite thing to do.
Then, I heard, a little bitterly...
"You were going to walk this way until you saw us coming."
Fuck me. What was I supposed to say now. Yes?
"I'm just trying to answer a text message." replied, trying my best to seem like a nice person who was in no way a racist, "I'm just not very good at texting and walking."
And, then I realized something. Why was I pandering to them? Why was I trying to seem like I was not embarrassed by what they said.
Let us examine the situation:
I am a five foot tall, 130 lb, white girl who, in my opinion, was looking pretty damn good that day. Down the street came a trio of baggy pants, long T, sideways flat billed hat wearing, deviant looking, obviously unemployed or else they wouldn't have been walking the streets at 2:00 PM in the afternoon, wannabe thugs. Oh, did I mention the part where they were rapping to themselves as they walked down the street? Sorry, they were doing that. One small girl against three guys, what was I supposed to do?
You are a living stereotype. And, I have been dealing with disrespectful assholes like you all god damn week. Let us examine why a girl like me might be hesitant to walk down the street with a group of people like you. Perhaps if you didn't look like the personification of a walking, talking gangbang, I might have been more apt to interact with you. I certainly would not have hesitated if a group of clean cut, normally dressed black guys came strolling down the sidewalk. On the opposite side of that, if a bunch of punk trashy looking white guys came down the street I would have also wanted to hesitate.
For the record, it wasn't the color of your skin you ignorant jerk, it was the fact that you dress like a fucking delinquent. It was the fact that your entire neighborhood treats women like streetwalkers, who you seem to think that just by walking down the street are out advertising that we are just waiting for you to roll up in your pimped out Buick and pick us up.
Fuck you guys. If you don't want people to assume the worst about you-- if you don't want people to judge you, don't look like a punk thug.
No comments:
Post a Comment